Mothers Day Jokes

“Sweater is a garment worn by child when his mother is feeling chilly.”

“Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him. ”

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

“Personally, I think today’s kids ought to do something really special for their Mothers on Mother’s Day — like move out !”

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after bagging items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a TV remote in her purse.
So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most nasty thing that I could do to him that was still legal.”

“Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.”

“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after.”
Peter De Vries

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.”
Mark Twain

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett

“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.”
Lisa Alther

“Before a day was over,
Home comes the rover,
For mother’s kiss—sweeter this
Than any other thing!”
William Allingha

“Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.”
Aristotle

“Can people predict the future with cards?
My mother can.
Really?
Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen When my father gets back home.”

“There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.”
Chinese Proverb

“There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart!”
Melanie Griffith